I Ayanami
by Greenfang
Summary: An attempt at humour involving Rei and changes that take place in her behaviour after being injured in an Angel Battle. Or something. On hiatus at the moment.


Hi, this story started as a couple of ideas shoehorned together into a writing excercise and became something else. It's an attempt at humour, or something, mainly concerning Rei. Although in the first chapter here she doesn't feature a strongly as she will later. Please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, or Slurpees or SBS or anything else.

I, AYANAMI

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CHAPTER 1

The Beginning of... the Start... of the Beginning... Part One

TOKYO-3

13:22hrs

Takeshi Kitano Memorial High School

The panes of the classroom windows only served to magnify the heat from the rays of the sun as it blazed through the glass. The students of Class 2-A lolled in their seats, sweat soaked school uniforms clinging to their bodies as the old Sensei rambled on about 2nd Impact and how his generation had struggled to survive in the aftermath.

No-one was even slightly interested. Most students dozed fitfully at their desks. Rei Ayanami stared out the nearest window. What she knew about 2nd Impact would make the old man's remaining hair curl. Nearby Asuka Langley Sorhyu typed away diligently at her computer. She wasn't busy doing schoolwork though. She was fully occupied answering letters for her "Dear Asuka" advice column in the school newspaper. Coincidently enough, the school suicide rate was at an all time high. Shinji Ikari, angst merchant and all round hero rested at his desk, head on his arms, trying to free his mind of images of rolling sea shores and existential great train journeys of the mind.

Apart from Asuka, the only other real sign of any activity was from Kensuke Aida. Using only a docking tower constructed out of paper clips, and a hydrogen filled condom that he had smuggled out of science class that morning, Aida was using his ever present camcorder to film a re-enactment the Hindenburg's final moments.

The cicadas droned on, and so did the old Sensei, and on, and on. By now he was talking at length about how he had worked as a Fan Dancer called "Rochelle" in a sailor's bar in Kobe just before the 2nd Impact. The Children had heard it all so many times before.

"Shinji, would you like to become one with me? It would be very... nice."

"Wha.. What did you say Asuka?" an alarmed Shinji asked blearily.

"Why would I want to talk to you, baka head?" Asuka replied huffily.

Shinji's eyes widened and he quickly looked around. A small explosion rocked the back of the room, shortly followed by Kensuke running from the room with his hair on fire and yelling:

"Oh, the Humanity!"

Shinji shook his head, shrugged, and put his head back on his arms.

Asuka smiled evilly to herself. Messing with that idiot Shinji's head was one of the few stimulating and enjoyable pursuits she had in this mind (and buttock) numbing school curriculum.

----------

NERV Headquarters 

Central Dogma

13:37hrs

At that same moment, NERV headquarters was in a state of pandemonium.

"It's no good! It's not responding!"

"No! It can't be! Try reinsertion!"

"It's no use! It's rejecting all input! It's flowing backwards! We'll have to abort!"

All eyes turned to the Director of Operations.

"Very well." Misato said "I'll inform the Commander."

She picked up the phone. "Commander, the coffee machine in the employee lounge is in the fritz again. Yes sir, yes sir. Very well, I'll inform the staff."

She hung up the phone. "He says we'll have to use the machine in Admin on level 7 for the moment."

"Awww... that's up three flights of stairs!"

Up in the command spire of Central Dogma the news was just sinking in.

"You know," Fuyutsuki said after a moments contemplation." a little less caffeine around here probably wouldn't hurt."

----------

TOKYO-3

13:44hrs

Downtown Tokyo-3 things were not as they should be. The air felt thick and heavy with a strong smell of ozone, as if a violent storm were about to break. The atmosphere grew more and more oppressive, as if every molecule of moisture in the humid air were vibrating at a frequency just beyond human hearing. Dogs barked and whined. Birds flapped and squawked at the bars of their cages and people spilled out of the shops and markets and stared skyward as if to see the thunderheads that must somehow be about to appear out of the clear blue sky. They were all looking the wrong way.

Outside Crazy Jun's Discount Emporium, the owner Jun and his brother Taro who worked at the Accountancy firm next door both stared skyward. It was Taro who first noticed the faint rumbling of the pavement beneath their feet. He was about to remark on it to his brother when every man-hole cover in the street was blown twelve feet in the air simultaneously and out of every opening and drain and storm water pipe in a three block radius came a living brown sea of rats.

Taro was stunned. Who'd have thought such a modern city could house so many of man's most ancient of neighbours? His next thought drowned out by the all too familiar Emergency Evacuation System sirens. He grabbed his older brother by the elbow and they both headed down the well worn path to their designated Emergency Shelter.

The streets were soon empty of all human life, even the flow of rats had ceased, but still the rumbling continued. Slowly it grew more and more intense. Building rapidly until it reached a nearly unbearable intensity. Although what is unbearable to one person may be just merely uncomfortable to another. These things are so subjective. You'll just have to decide for yourself at this time as it would take too long to work it out here. Luckily, as I mentioned before, the streets were deserted, so no one was there to bear it, or not, so the whole argument is academic really, but if they had been there I'm fairly sure that they wouldn't have enjoyed it at all. But I digress. The heavy atmosphere broke with something akin to a silent thunderclap as from every drain and man-hole thick green-yellow ooze flowed forth.

It flowed and gurgled out of the bowels of the city and with deceptive speed and an apparent will or force guiding it the viscous goo converged upon the centre of the broad city street. Rapidly growing and building upon itself it quickly formed a ball that reached a height of about 45 metres or so. Then slowly, but relentlessly, it began to move, with a gloopy rolling motion, toward the centre of Tokyo-3 and NERV.

----------

CENTRAL DOGMA

13:51hrs

"We've got a huge life-form reading emanating from the Keisho-Shibuse district Ma'am!!"

"I'm right here Hyuga, there's no need to yell."

"Um.. Sorry Captain Katsuragi. Just trying to inject some energy into a so far lifeless narrative!"

"Good thinking. What's its status!?"

"Blood type Blue! Angel Confirmed!"

"Can you bring it up on visual!?"

"Sure thing Ma'am! Bringing the Giant Screen (tm) online now!"

Hyuga typed a command into his keyboard... nothing happened. With a slight frown he toggled a coupled of switches on and off. Then, much to the puzzlement of Misato and the rest of the bridge crew he crawled underneath his workstation and proceeded to jiggle several cords and leads. Suddenly the Giant Screen (tm) crackled, flickered and burst into life. It took the personnel on the bridge a few seconds to take in the full horror of what they were seeing. A massive head with huge yellowed teeth leered out of the screen at them.

Maya quietly and demurely barfed into her hands

Misato wept openly. "What good is your science now Ritsuko!? What good is it when we have to rely on mere children to save us from the abominations arrayed against us!?"

"Arrgh! It's hideous! Oh my God we're screwed! We'll never defeat that!" Aoba yelled and leapt over the parapet, disappearing from view with a long scream followed by a short thud.

Ritsuko sighed. Giving them all energy drinks to substitute for coffee had been a _really_bad idea.

"Just calm down everybody, that's no the Angel. It's Jeremy Clarkson. Has someone been messing with the Giant Screen (tm)?"

Misato blushed and looked at the floor, "Maybe." she said in a small voice.

"Misato?" Ritsuko said accusingly.

"It's just that, well, the Giant Screen gets SBS on satellite and um... They were having a Spanish film festival last week, and Kaji and I thought that, with a bottle of Spumante and an air bed we could make an evening of it..."

"Eeek!" Ritsuko yelped." Enough detail please! Did you even think how much time and man hours it might require to recalibrate the Giant Screen (tm)?"

Misato rolled her eyes, "Ritsu, don't be so melodramatic! Hyuga?"

"Yes Ma'am?"

"Hit the AV/TV button on your console please."

"Yes Ma'am!"

The Giant Screen (tm) went fuzzy (technical terminology) and quickly cleared revealing the newest and most icky Angel yet.

'Oh boy,' Misato thought. 'I wish I hadn't had those oysters at lunch.' As the viscous and, lets not beat around the bush here, mucusy heavenly being slid and slapped its way through the city, slopping against buildings and engulfing whole vehicles, moving towards the centre of town, which also happened to be directly above where they stood.

"My God it's hideous!" Ritsuko said, "But how exactly is a big rolling ball of snot going to be capable of penetrating the World's most advanced defensive facility?"

"I have no idea, in fact I don't want to even think about it." said Misato. "Summon the Children and prepare the Evas for launch!"

Cue dramatic Music

"Er... help!" The voice of Shigeru Aoba drifted up the Bridge. "I seem to be quite seriously injured!"

The bridge crew all laughed heartily.

----------

DOWNTOWN TOKYO-3

14:27hrs

The streets lay deserted under the baking afternoon sun. Oh, except for the bits that had the three giant bio-mechanoid robots in them. They obviously were far from deserted. As was the section of the city where the Angel was rolling through, leaving a disgusting trail of goop on the street and buildings as it passed on by. Also the JSSDF had deployed three infantry divisions and the 2nd and 4th Tank battalions to cordon off the area and prevent sightseers and the usual array of crackpots and tin-foil hat cranks, kooks and TV crews turning the whole thing into a media circus. Apart from that, and the gaggles of sightseers and the usual array of crackpots and tin-foil hat cranks kooks, and TV crews turning the whole thing into a media circus the city was completely deserted.

Unit 00 crouched behind a Dry Cleaners store, directly in the path of the Angel, a pistol clasped in its hand, awaiting the order to strike. Unit 02, hefting the 20 metre long handle of an enormous axe, stood at the ready 200 metres to her left. While Shinji in 01 stood to the right with the pallet rifle at just enough of an angle so as not to catch the other Eva units in his range of fire.

Misato's face popped up in all of their vid-screen displays.

"Right! Now, we don't know what this Angel is capable of, so be careful out there. Also, this is one of the non-retractable areas of the city, so try not to damage anything. The last few battles have been very expensive and we're trying to keep our insurance premiums down!" she paused," Rei?"

"Yes Ma'am?"

"On my order, I want you to come out from hiding, deploy your AT Field, neutralising that of the target and try to engage it to slow it down, ok?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Shinji, Asuka, while Rei is Unit 00 is holding the Angel I want the two of you to take the pressure off Rei and deliver the killing blow, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Said Asuka dismissively." Just try to make sure that the others don't get in my way. I don't want them fouling up my fight! Got that Blunderboy?"

"Geez Asuka, "Shinji said " Why do you always have to be such a pain in the ass? Why don't you keep out of _my_ way and I'll try to make sure I don't shoot _you_ in the back of the head?"

"What did you say Erdnuss!? Who gave you permission to grow a spine?" Screamed Asuka in apoplectic fury."Eat Axe Arschloch!!"

Unit 02 raised its axe and headed threateningly towards Unit 01's position.

"Now, now you two," Misato's voice came across on the intercom impatiently, "let's just worry about saving Humanity for now and..."

"It's here." Said Rei, stepping out from behind the Drycleaner and raising her AT Field.

Everything happened at once. Unit 00, its AT Field raised, began firing its pistol repeatedly into the target at point blank range. The shells penetrated the surface of the Angel and passed right on through, ricocheting off into the outer city where they destroyed several houses, an amusement arcade and half of the 4th Tank Battalion. Units 01 and 02, their pilots taking a second to refocus on the job at hand wheeled around and began to converge upon the Angel's position. Unit 02 ran full tilt at the Angel while Unit 01 advanced more slowly, firing continuously upon it.

Misato watched white knuckled from the bridge. Surely, she mused, there must be a better way to save the World than to have hormonally unbalanced teenagers controlling gigantic weapons of death?

"Captain Katsuragi!" Hyuga yelled, "I'm detecting massive fluctuations in the targets wave pattern!"

"What?" Said Misato "What does that mean?"

"The Magi can't say!" Said Maya, just pleased to finally have a speaking role. "But they do say that it's probably a bad thing."

"We've got a massive power spike in the Angels AT Field! It's neutralising Unit 00's! It's breaking through the Eva's AT field!"

"Shinji, Asuka! Hurry up and get to Unit 00's position"

"Almost there!" Yelled Asuka

Unit 02 pounded down the roadway towards the struggle between the big snot ball and the Blue Evangelion. Unit 00 was being pushed slowly backwards by the increasing power of the Angel's AT Field. They could all hear Rei's exertions through the still open comm's channel. Asuka just smiled to herself. This would show them. She would single-handedly save the blue haired freak while they all looked on helplessly. She could just imagine the commander's face as he watched his precious Rei buckling and failing under the pressure of the Angel's power surge, and then his surprise and gratitude as his number 1 pilot swooped in and saved the day. That would stop them fawning over that ridiculous whiner Shinji and Wondergirl.

"Eat this!!!"

Unit 02 leapt skyward, its axe held high above its head, swinging the blade down in a graceful parabola striking the huge yellow-green ball. Then axe scythed through the Angels body with a sklooping noise, the ball quivered, shuddered, shook and then, with a massive concussive blast transformed into a liquefied yellow mass. At that same time, Unit 01, running quickly to try and come to Ayanami's aid, slipped on some of the Angel's residual goop on the street and slammed into unit 02 at full force sending both Evangelions flying into an office block demolishing it, and the pizzeria next door.

"Shinji, Asuka, be careful!" Misato said over the comms."Those things are expensive!"

"Captain Katsuragi!" it was Hyuga again, the man does give good yell, "We've lost all contact with Unit 00!"

"What did you say!?" Misato looked up at the big screen. It was true. On the left of the screen Units 01 and 02 could be seen picking themselves up and brushing bits of rubble and pizza ovens off their shining metal bodies, and in the centre of the screen the angel was still there, somehow reformed back into it's sticky mucus ball. Unit 00 however was nowhere to be seen. Only the molten dancing sparks from its severed power cable remained to show where it once had been.

"Rei!" Misato cried. "What are our readings on Unit 00 and Rei's vital signs?"

"Negative," Maya said, once again feeling pleased with herself for contributing, this would make for one of the most interesting entries in her 'Hello Kitty Jumbo Daily Diary' yet!

"All of the feedbacks and telemetry from Unit 00 has been cut off!" Hyuga yelled.

"Has Unit 00 been absorbed by the Angel? Are they trying to make contact with a Human being?"

"We don't know. "Said Ritsuko, also making her first speaking appearance in this scene. "We can only assume that Unit 00 has been absorbed or engulfed somehow within the body of that Angel!"

"Rei!" Misato cut and pasted from her previously in this scene."Shinji, Asuka, we need to regroup return to your emergency positions!"

"But what about Ayanami?" Shinji said in _that_ voice. You know the one.

"Wait a second Misato, I've got and idea!" Asuka said, "Send up a Flammenwerfer... Um... Flamethrower! I think I know how to beat this sucker!"

"Asuka," Shinji said confused, "what are you going to do?"

----------

INSIDE THE ANGEL

Erm… Where time has no meaning

'Who is there?'

Rei had said nothing aloud, but the voice of her mind seemed to echo in the darkness around her. Although she knew that she couldn't have left the entry plug of Unit 00 she had the feeling of an enormous space or gulf surrounding her. Her last memory before coming here was of the Angel's AT Field breaking through Unit 00's own, the concussive force of it throwing her Evangelion backwards before being engulfed by a noisome and sickening wave of yellow goo. She had tried to scramble up and out of its reach but before she could affect any kind of escape everything had gone dark and she faint memory of a suffocating sensation. The next thing she knew was this fetid blank darkness. The one thing that she did know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, was that she was not alone.

'Who is there?' She repeated.

She tried to move, but her limbs felt heavy and constricted. It was like trying to move through treacle.

The sense of the presence of another continued to grow more powerful. Dimly at first, but growing brighter and brighter as the sensation of the other increased, so did her awareness of her surroundings increase as well. She came to see that she was standing up to her chest in thick yellow liquid. A lot like LCL in appearance. She shuddered as she moved her left hand through the liquid and up to her face. It definitely _wasn't_LCL she was standing in. The air, if there was such a thing as in this place, has a red cast, like that of blood. The whole effect was extremely unappealing to Rei's far more Spartan aesthetic.

The sea of...of.. what ever it was, terminated at a shoreline not far in front of her. Standing on that shoreline, looking down at her was... was... herself? A perfect facsimile of the blue haired pilot stood before her, regarding her impassively from above.

'Who are you?' Rei said. Or the voice of her mind did anyway.

'Why, can you not see? I am you.' Typical really. Angels were always saying stuff like that.

'No. You are not me. Only I am me. You are not. That which I call myself is formed by my thoughts not by my outside perceptions.'

'Perhaps,' said the figure shimmering and changing, ' what about in this form. Am I not now something that is formed by your perceptions?'

The figure on the shoreline now took on a form very familiar to Rei. That of the shape and voice of Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, now standing before her in his school uniform.

'You are not pilot Ikari,' Rei replied. 'You are merely an image. A false representation of my memories of him. Not the real person'

'Nonetheless,' The image replied with Shinji's voice, ' your perception of the person that is Shinji Ikari exists and is created only inside your own mind. Therefore I am as real to you now as the person that you call Shinji Ikari is. Is this not so?'

'Perhaps, ' said Rei.' but I also know that you are not pilot Ikari. So all of this is just falsehood. Why are you doing this to me?'

The figure shimmered and changed shape again. Rei gasped. The figure that stood before her was one she knew _very_well.

'Is it falsehood Rei?' The figure of Gendo Ikari said to her. 'Or is it that your mind won't let you believe what your eyes are showing you?'

'No. 'Said Rei, 'It is false. What is the purpose of this deception?'

'Share your mind with me. Let me see with your eyes. Let me share your memories so that I may learn more of you. Come Rei Ayanami, become one with me. Let down the barriers to your mind and soul so that we may become closer to completion! You will not find it an unpleasant experience.'

'No,' Rei said, noticing that the liquid was up to her shoulders now.' I will not do this thing. My mind and my soul are sacred things. You may not touch them.'

'I am asking you now.' Gendo's image said to her threateningly. 'But if you will not do what I wish, then I shall take what I desire by force.'

'No, ' said Rei, struggling against the rising sea around her. 'I shall not... '

The figure of Gendo Ikari walked to the edge of the shore, eyeglasses reflecting red as he looked down at her.

'You disappoint me.'

Before Rei could answer the viscous sea around her rose up and engulfed her and all was darkness yet again.

----------

DOWNTOWN TOKYO-3

15:09 hrs

The Angel had been stationery for several minutes now. Misato watched on the Giant Screen as  
Units 01 and 02 moved into their respective positions, as dictated by Asuka's plan. She sighed to  
herself. She'd suggested and used crazier plans herself, but not since she'd given up putting sake on her cornflakes.

"Asuka, Shinji! Are you ready to go?"

"Yes Misato." Shinji said resignedly

"You bet Misato! Unit 02 in position and ready to move out!'

Misato smiled to herself at the Second Child's upbeat reply. Asuka would laugh in the face of death as long as she felt she was getting the attention that she deserved. If this plan came off as Asuka claimed it would then Misato certainly have to hand it to the redhead for originality. Maybe she would have to take them all for a Slurpee after the battle. Misato smiled as she thought of the new Vodka Slurpees that had just come out, mmmm...

"Miss Misato?" Shinji's voice came over the comm's channel.

"Mmm..?" Misato said dreamily

"Dammit Misato!" Asuka's irritated voice quickly brought Misato out of her daydream. "Are you thinking about those stupid Slurpees again? Give the order to attack already!"

"Wha... Oh yeah. Eva Units 01 and 02, attack!"

"Alright Shinji," Asuka called out. "You know what to do!"

As Unit 01 moved forward purposefully the sphere of goo that was the Angel also began to roll again, this time more quickly, in the direction of Nerv Headquarters.

"Now Shinji!" Asuka yelled. "Do it now!"

'Geez' thought Shinji. 'Why does she have to be so goddamn bossy all the time?' As he spread Unit 01's AT Field and fired up the igniter on the backpack flamethrower that Unit 01 was carrying. Immediately he felt the incredible pressure of the Angels AT Field against Unit 01's own. This was it. There would only be a short moment in time where he could act. He pulled on the trigger and immediately a massive jet of flame shot out and began to blast against the surface of the Angel, causing the sections that were hit to blacken and harden under the intense heat and fire. As Asuka had predicted the rolling action of the sphere worked to their advantage as it made it easier to cover more of the surface of the Angel as it rolled towards him. However it also made the surface of the Angel much harder and more dangerous as it pushed him back slowly up the street. If he slipped over it could easily crush him and do untold damage to Unit 01 if it overwhelmed its AT Field, as it had done to Unit 00.

Slowly, but inexorably, he was pushed back by the rapidly hardening Angel. He was careful just to scorch the surface of the sphere. He didn't want to cook Rei and Unit 00 in there. Finally he felt he could hold it back no longer, that Angel was as toasted as it was going to get and he wasn't sure if he could hold back it's AT Field for much longer.

"Alright Asuka! Quickly!"

Unit 02 raced forward, still clutching the enormous axe from earlier. "Out of my way, Third!" Asuka cried as her Evangelion leaped in the air with it's axe held high. Swinging the weapon down with tremendous force the axe impacted on the sphere with a almighty 'KANG!!!"

Followed by an almighty "OWWWWW!!!" from the Second Child as the jarring of the impact was transmitted from the axe handle through Unit 02's arms and shoulders and through her neural connections and praise worthily high synch-ratio into her own arms and shoulders.

From where Unit 01 stood nothing seemed to happen for several moments. Then slowly hairline cracks began to appear in the icky sphere. Quickly these cracks grew and spread all over the hardened surface of the Angel, forming an intricate filigree in the now brittle skin that the flames had created. Shinji watched transfixed as great jets of fluid began to pour out of these fissures, one by one until the ground under Unit 01's feet became slick with disgusting hot goo. Then rapidly the flow of liquid turned from yellow to a deep blue, before slowing and finally ceasing altogether. Then with a crash that only the most expensive crystal vase hitting the floor and breaking into a million pieces after accidentally being knocked by the elbow of a well meaning but clumsy house guest would make, the Angel's spherical body collapsed in onto itself before the whole thing shattered under its own weight.

"Captain Katsuragi!" Hyuga yelled, there's no way that he was going to let that apple polisher Ibuki get all the attention, "We've regained contact with Unit 00!

Pilot life signs confirmed!"

"Rei!? How is she?"

"Her vital signs are weak but steady!" Maya yelled before Hyuga had a chance." Unit 00's signal has so much background interference and is so distorted that we have no way of ascertaining her true level of mental contamination!"

"Eject the plug!" Said Misato, too distracted to notice Hyuga flipping Maya the bird from across the bridge. "Shinji, recover Rei from Unit 00's Entry Plug and return her and yourself to NERV in Unit 01 immediately!" She picked up the phone and dialed the extension for NERV's state of the art hospital and infirmary complex. "Katsuragi here, prepare to receive a Category One patient with possible mental contamination right away!"

"Misato! Are you nuts? "Ritsuko yelled."We can't afford to risk Rei contaminating Unit 01. We don't know what the consequences might be if a contaminated signal enters the Eva's internal feedback matrix!"

"We can't afford not to Ritsuko!' Misato replied. "Who knows how badly Rei is injured in there? Unit 01's life support systems will keep her alive until the infirmary can get to her. If we don't do this she could die! Do you want that Ritsuko?"

"Well, not _die_I guess." Dr Akagi said begrudgingly. "But any damage to Unit 01 is your responsibility Misato. It's lucky for you that the Commander is conveniently away on his lunch break at the moment or you would be in lots of trouble!"

"Don't worry," Misato said testily, "I'm sure you can tell him all about it when he gets back. Shinji, carry out my orders please."

"Yes Ma'am."

On the outside Unit 01 moved through the steaming remains of the Angel towards the prone form of Unit 00. Looking down at it Shinji could see what appeared to be an interlaced vein like pattern scarring the arms and chest of the blue Evangelion. As he approached the back armor plate slid open and the Entry Plug erupted out from it's socket spouting jets of LCL from its emergency venting system. He halted unit 01 and put it into 'PARK'. Everything went dark inside his entry plug as it was partially ejected and held at as horizontal as possible, to minimize LCL loss. He popped the hatch and clambered down from Unit 01. He tried to ignore the snide and overly personal remarks booming down at him from Unit 02 nearby.

Shinji covered the short distance across the steaming ruined landscape to where the entry plug lay. The goo covered tarmac was stingingly hot under the boots of his plug suit and the smell of burned Angel caught at his throat making him gag. He reached the battered entry plug. He pulled out the levers to open the hatch from the outside and began to pull at them with all his might. The hatch gave slightly but still refused to open. His palms burned from the heat of the metal as he strained.

"Come on Blunderboy!" Asuka called down from unit 02 unhelpfully. "Work those girly arms!"

Shinji strained and heaved, repressing the urge to be violently ill from the stench of the fumes rising up around him. Then, with a grinding noise of metal on metal the hatch gave way suddenly, throwing him onto the hot and icky ground.

"Ayanami!" He cried as he quickly got back up and looked in the opening of the plug. Inside the First Child lay completely still. He could see that she was alive because her chest was rising and falling. He watched it for a moment, lost in his own teenege world before a rude comment from Asuka brought him to his senses. He called Rei's name, but she was completely unresponsive. Half dragging and half lifting The First Child he got her out of the plug and staggered across to Unit 01.

"Asuka? Little help please?"

"Why certainly, your heroship." Asuka said teasingly, lowering Unit 02's hand down so that he could drag Ayanami and himself onto it's outstretched palm. Unit 02 then lifted the two Children up to the level of Unit 01's entry plug. Shinji pulled Rei into the plug. He arranged her unconscious form as comfortably as possible in the plug's cramped interior, and then he got in himself, closed the hatch and took the Eva out of "PARK". The usual array of rainbow flashing and effects went before him as the Eva came to life. It felt good to back somewhere familiar, even if it was the Eva, and out of the devastation of the Angels carcass.

"Alright Shinji," Misato's face appeared over the Vid-Com screen. "Get back to base, quickly!"

"Yes Miss Misato!"

It felt good to be back in the Eva, but it also felt different. Unit 01's responses felt slow and the controls distant and vague. Through his A-10 connectors he felt as if he could almost feel some confusion in the feedback from the Eva, as if two wills were responding to his neural commands. Rei moaned and rolled gently from side to side behind him, but remained unconscious. Trying to focus on the urgency of the task at hand he headed Unit 01 for the nearest direct powered lift back to Nerv Headquarters.

In the Red Mecha, Asuka Langley Sorhyu watched him go. "Well isn't that just adorable?" She said with undisguised scorn, "Shinji and his little dolly playing at nursemaid. What about the star of the show. I don't hear any "Well done Asuka!" or "Way to defeat the Angel and save our precious Wondergirl, Asuka!" or even "How about a Jumbo Slurpee and a little quality Kaji time Asuka, my apartment's free tonight!"? Hmmm? Who was it that came up with this brilliant and might I add highly successful plan to thwart Mankind's greatest enemy Misato? I don't hear any well earned words of thanks and praise! Or is it that my brilliance has left you dumbfounded and words fail you when you try to say how you truly feel about my greatness?"

"Stick a sock in it Asuka." Misato said testily, "Return to base for Slurpees and debriefing."

The Second Child signed off muttering sour nothings to herself.

Misato then tried to phone to organize a clean up crew, but the NERV Angel Attack Clean Up And Decontamination Department (NAACUADD) had been watching a live feed of the battle and had immediately afterwards gone on strike demanding better pay and leave structure. She slammed the handset back into its cradle. She was going to have to rectify this and fast.

"Hyuga?" She said "Could you... "She looked down dumbfounded as she saw Hyuga face down on the floor of the bridge with Maya on top of him, knee firmly planted in the middle of his back and bending his right arm backwards while twisting his fingers mercilessly and yelling "Apologize, you little worm! Or I swear I'll break you fingers off and feed them to you one by one!"

Misato buried her head in her hands. Was it really necessary that Humanity's last defense against the Angels have to be populated by such a bunch of nut cases?

----------

End Chapter One

Well, that's the first chapter done. I know that it was a bit all over the place style wise, but hopefully I can bring it together in the next few chapters, even the coffee machine thing! Let me know what you think.

Ja.

Greenfang 8th December 07


End file.
